At the root of all personal effectiveness is the idea of identity. What you believe yourself to be, is what you will act like, regardless of objective reality.
For example, if you believe yourself to be someone who is fit, you will find yourself inexplicably drawn to doing things that “fit people” do. You will want to move, lift weights, and eat clean. You will read and talk about the topic of “being fit”.
This seems obvious, right? “As a man thinketh”, and all that jazz? But the reason this isn’t more profound, is because we typically think of personal change as a one-way street. We change our actions, to produce a result, and maybe if we’re lucky it’ll result in a changed identity. (i.e. I have to become fit, before I can call myself a “fit person”) Indeed, you may get strange looks if you’re morbidly obese and proudly declare yourself a CrossFit athlete.
But what if we moved in a different direction? What if, instead of requiring ourselves to achieve our goals first, we afforded ourselves the grace of identifying as the type of person we want to be first? Instead of waiting until we’re at our ideal weight to declare ourselves “fit”, we shift our identity to be that of “someone who doesn’t miss workouts.” Or in my case, what motivates me is the identity of being “durable”. In my ethos I state:
I am mentally, physically, and emotionally durable.
Am I actually these things, at all times? No, of course not! But stating it as a factual part of my identity empowers me to live up to it in the long-term.
Do you feel how the gravitas of that statement is more impactful than simply wishing you were 30 pounds lighter or lifted 50 pounds more? That impact is the difference between results-based thinking, and identity-based thinking. The latter allows us to dream big, and reinforce the end result, without being at that level yet. This is important because as James Clear reminds us, you will get bored, in the journey towards your goals.
So instead of avoiding emotional discomfort, focus on having a stable anchor with which to identify.
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