I just finished reading Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in everyday life and let me tell you, it's truly been the most thought-provoking book I've read in a long time. The author, Luke Burgis, presents a compelling case that none of us naturally forms their own independent desires, rather we are a product of the desires of every other model in our lives.
On its face, this may seem like a "So what?" moment. But Burgis manages to link this to everything from Egyptian cat-worship, and Biblical animal sacrifice, to modern social media and the worst genocides mankind has ever known. Truly this idea can be seen woven throughout the fabric of our history as a species. Burgis proves that this concept is critical to understanding ourselves and our world.
As with most of these types of books, the real value comes from the internal work it enables us to do.
Since reading it, I've been pondering what I want, and what models I've unwittingly copied in order to set those desires in place.
Through this book I've gained clarity into certain quirks of my personality and how they affect my work and career goals. I realized that my pursuit of leadership in particular, has been an indirect attempt to answer a deeper question that often arises in my line of work. As a software engineer, it's often the case that my work does not have immediate value to people. It's not like building a table, repairing a car, or performing some other service for someone. Usually web development is a series of imperceptible changes that may only ever result in a small button that you'll never see a user click. For me, this can be frustrating because I want to build things that impact people's lives.
But as I dug more into the "why" behind these desires, it became clear that leadership was a single answer to a question, but not the end goal. Leadership fulfilled a deeper question that wasn't even registering in my conscious mind, a question I could not aritculate.
Until I read this book.
The question is this:
Whose life am I improving through this work?
The harder is is to answer this question, the more prone I am to burnout and disconnect. This is why side projects are a breeze! It's pretty clear whose life is being improved. In past moments of burnout, I've thought, "If I can just get into a leadership position, I'll know why my work matters." Indeed this is true. However, understanding the underlying question gives so much more flexibility in solving this problem.
So interestingly, leadership is still a core pursuit of mine. But now I understand it is one of many means to the pursuit of purpose.